Speedo!
by Soul of Insanity
Summary: [COMPLETE] Pool party in Kagome's time. Her feudal age friends come along for the ride. Watch as they battle modern clothes, the shopping mall, and each other.
1. The Fun Begins

Surprise. Another new story. But this one is going to be a short one-only 4 chapters. And I already have the story written out, all that's left is typing it. But anyways, just for a little forewarning-this story will have no literary value whatsoever. You have been warned.

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha, I never will. Happy now?

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**Speedo!**

Chapter 1: The Fun Begins

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"Hello?" Kagome spoke into the receiver.

"Hey Kag, guess what?" an excited voice answered.

"What Eri?" replied Kagome, absentmindedly wrapping a finger around the telephone cord. 'Great, now I'll be stuck here for the next 30 minutes and Inuyasha expects me back now.'

"I'm throwing a pool party to celebrate the end of school. I was hoping you could come."

"Oh, well when is it?"

"This Saturday."

'Crap, I'll be in the Feudal Age then. Inuyasha will never let me come back.'

"I'm sorry, but I'm a little busy this weekend," Kagome answered, sadness tinting her voice.

"Oh Kagome I'm sorry. I really wish you could come. I hardly get to see you anymore! And it wasn't going to be a big party. Just Ayumi, Yuka, and a few more friends from school. Oh, and Hojo will be there as well."

'Darn you Inuyasha! I never get to hang out with my friends anymore because of you. Wait. Why should I be forced to listen to him? I can do whatever I want!'

Just before Kagome was about to tell Eri her change of mind Inuyasha walked in.

"Hey wench why are you still here?" Inuyasha growled. "We have shards to hunt."

When Kagome saw Inuyasha her eyes lit up.

"Hey Eri, can you hold a sec?"

"Sure."

Kagome gently placed the phone down and turned to Inuyasha. "Hey Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha nervously backed up against a wall. 'Oh great, here comes the sitting and I didn't even do anything wrong!' "What?"

"Have you ever been to a pool party?"

This wasn't what Inuyasha was expecting, but the surprise was definitely good. "What's that?"

"Oh, it's when a party is thrown where everyone goes swimming."

"Feh, I haven't ever been to a party."

"You haven't? Well do you want to go to one?"

"What? Are you having a party?"

"No, but one of my friends is. It's in 4 days and I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you came."

"Well…"

"Oh come on! It'll be fun! I really want you to come! Plus, there will be food."

That sealed it. "Alright, I'll go."

"Thank you!" squealed Kagome. She then quickly picked up the phone to tell the good news to Eri before Inuyasha could change his mind.

"Hey Eri, guess what?"

"Can you come now?" asked Eri excitedly.

"Yes! But I was wondering if a few of my friends could come as well. I had plans with them this weekend and they would be bummed if I couldn't hang out with them. They are really nice." Kagome decided to not tell Eri about how 'nice' Inuyasha actually was. She was better off not knowing.

"Of course they can come! If they are friends of yours then they must be cool. And anyways, it's a party, the more the merrier!"

"Oh thank you Eri! I'll see you Saturday."

"Great, I can't wait to see you Kag."

Kagome hung up the phone, happiness radiating off her body. She always loved pool parties. "Let's go Inuyasha. We have to tell Miroku, Sango, and Shippo about the party we are going to!"

"About time we can leave."

Kagome smiled the whole way to the well. She smiled the whole way to Kaede's village. She continued smiling when she saw Miroku and Sango in the distance. The smile immediately left her face when she heard 'PERVERT!' being yelled and saw Miroku crumple to the ground. She then slapped her forehead. 'Oh no, what was I thinking? Pool party…girls…bathing suits…Miroku. We're all dead.'

"Hey Kagome, I see Inuyasha brought you back. Are we leaving for shards now?" asked Sango, taking the younger girl by surprise.

"Huh? Shards? Wha…oh yeah. Shards! Of course! But we have to come back in 3 days," replied Kagome while glaring daggers at the monk who was slowly sitting up.

"Hmm? Why is that?"

"Oh, well one of my friends is throwing a pool party and we are all going," Kagome answered, now silently wishing a youkai would come and kidnap Miroku for the next 4 days.

"Really? That's awesome," said Sango getting excited. Then something dawned on her. "Hold on. Did you say everyone? Including him?" asked Sango, looking in Miroku's direction.

"Yes, unfortunately even him," replied Kagome, glaring at the monk when he innocently waved at her.

"Oh no. We're all doomed," cried Sango.

"I think Sango," stated Kagome slinging her arm around her friend's shoulders, "that you just made the understatement of the century."

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Three days later the group returned to the well. They had spent those 3 days wondering around aimlessly and arguing amongst each other, you know, what they normally did. But they were all in high spirits as they got to the well.

'Yea! I'm going to a party with my…normal…friends!' thought Kagome excitedly.

'Yes, I can finally relax and not have to worry about demons for a few days,' thought Sango.

Shippo bounced around excitedly, waiting to be transported to Kagome's time. 'Whoohoo! I finally get to see Kagome's time!'

Inuyasha was happy to be going as well but unlike the others he didn't show it. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest and an expression of pure boredom on his face. 'Must remain my tough, cold outer appearance. Must contain…yea! There's gonna be.' "FOOD!!" shouted Inuyasha, startling his friends. He then dropped his head in embarrassment. 'Aww dammit, I said that out loud. Must now make up for it.' He flexed his claws and emitted a low growl. He was just daring someone to comment on his outburst. Everyone just stared at him in amusement. 'Aww darn it. They aren't scared of me at all.'

Miroku stared at Inuyasha, that is until his mind wondered back to where it was before Inuyasha's outburst. 'Ahh, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls, girls…' He continued to think that as his eyes got all dreamy looking and he sighed in contentment. He was rudely snapped out of his fantasies when Sango slapped him.

"Pervert."

"Why Sango, I didn't say anything."

"You didn't need to. Your expression said enough."

Miroku grinned ruefully while rubbing his head.

"Ok, let's go over. I'll take Shippo and Inuyasha will take Miroku and Sango."

"Fine," growled Inuyasha, still trying to look dangerous.

"Come on Shippo." Shippo jumped into Kagome's arms and then she jumped into the well. Five minutes later the others joined them.

Once they were in Kagome's time Kagome turned very strict and business like. "Ok, first things first. Since we are going to a pool party you guys need bathing suits."

"Eh Kagome? What's a bathing suit?" asked Sango.

Kagome's face plummeted at this question. 'Uh oh. What if they don't like them? After all they don't have anything like those in the Feudal Age.' Everyone was staring at her expecting an answer so she finally sighed and gave them one. "It is a skin tight piece of clothing you wear while swimming. They tend to show a lot of skin. That's for girls. For guys they are basically a pair of shorts."

When Miroku heard that his face lit up like a little kids on Christmas morning. "I like how that sounds. Skin tight…skin…lots of girls."

Before Sango could reach him Kagome did. She calmly walked up to Miroku and then with a speed no one knew she possessed, in fact it came as a surprise even to her, she had grabbed one of his arms and pinned it behind his back.

"Ow! My lady Kagome what…OW! Are you insane? What are you doing? OW!"

"You are not," Kagome jerked up on his arm, "to ask any of my friends, "she jerked again, "to bear your child!" she finished with another jerk. "Do you understand?" she asked sweetly, releasing his arm.

Miroku immediately cradled his aching arm and backed away from Kagome. "Yes, you have made yourself quite clear. No child bearing questions shall cross my lips while in your time."

"Good. Now that we got that settled let's go get you guys changed so we can go shopping!"

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Next chapter they do battle with their worse enemy ever created-modern day clothes! Make sure you come back for it, it's gonna be funny! (I still laugh at some parts and I wrote it, yes, I am sort of sad) Well, always, please review, or no chapter! Hahahaha! Oh you know I would update no matter how many reviews I got, but please find it in your heart to review.


	2. Bras, Zippers, and Socks, Oh My!

Wow, this story went over better than I expected it to. That's definitely a good thing! And it seems there are some people who out there who wouldn't mind seeing Miroku and Inuyasha in a speedo. Seems like Miroku rubbed off on many of you! Well I hope you enjoy this chapter as much, or more, than you did the last one!

Disclaimer: Don't own him.

Just a little warning: This chapter does contain some sexual references. Nothing too extreme (as it is PG-13), but some words are said here and there. You have been warned. But what is uttered adds to the fun, so definitely read it!

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**Speedo!**

Chapter 2: Bras, Zippers, and Socks Oh My!

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An hour later Kagome dragged her feet down the stairs looking thoroughly exhausted. 'I'm thinking we should have come back 2 days early instead of one.' She plopped down on her couch and waited for her friends to come downstairs. It had taken an hour to get ready because none of them knew how 'modern age' clothes worked. Kagome had started by giving them all a set of clothes, assuming that they were smart enough to figure out how everything worked. That was one assumption she never should have made.

_Flashback_

"Kagome! What is this thing?" yelled Sango from Kagome's room, sounding completely frustrated. When Kagome entered her bedroom she saw Sango waving around a bra angrily. "What the hell is this thing for? I see no practical purpose for it!"

"Sango, it's a bra."

"So? Is that suppose to mean something?"

"It's to support your breasts."

"Why do I need support?"

"With the shirt you are gonna wear you need it."

"Why?"

"Well let's put it into a scenario you would understand. Imagine hundreds of Miroku's wondering around. Now imagine wearing a shirt that was sort of see through. A bra is there to give another layer of covering. As well as support your breasts so they don't bounce around when you move."

During Kagome's whole explanation Sango's face was bright red. When she was done Sango looked back up. "Ok, works for me. But how does this blasted thing work?"  
  
Right before Kagome was going to answer her a shrill scream sounded throughout the whole house. And it wasn't a short scream. It was long, drawn out, and full of pain. Kagome immediately ran out of her bedroom, searching for the source of the screams. She followed them to Sota's bedroom, which was where the boys were supposedly changing. She couldn't figure out what could cause one of them to scream like that. It sounded like a limb was being sawed off. Or their eyeballs were getting picked out of there head. Or…like they had caught their penis in a zipper. When Kagome saw Miroku screaming in pain she immediately turned red, fell on her butt, and backed out of the bedroom. However, it was too late as Miroku had already seen her.

"Kagome! Help me! It hurts! Please help or I'll never be able to have children!" he wailed, tears of pain coursing down his face.

"I'm thinking that could possibly be a good thing," remarked Inuyasha.

"How about you get your penis stuck and see you say that," replied Miroku through clenched teeth.

"Nah, I think I'll pass."

"Whatever. But Kagome! Help me!"

"I'm not helping you! Just pull the zipper down!" said Kagome, speaking to a wall.

"I can't! It hurts!" cried Miroku, clutching his crotch in pain.

"Have Inuyasha cut the pants then."

"Eww. I'm not getting anywhere near the monk."

"No! What if he…misses?" gulped Miroku. "I don't want to be a eunuch!"

Kagome cautiously walked to Sota's desk and pulled out a pair of scissors. When Miroku saw them his face grew white.

"NO! I won't allow you to cut it off! It's mine! Mine!"

"Shut up Miroku. They're so you can cut the pants," screamed Kagome over Miroku's cries of pain.

"Oh. Well how do you suppose I go about doing that?"

"How the hell am I suppose to know? I'm a girl. I don't have that kind of problem," Kagome crossly said, handing the scissors to Miroku while still staring at the wall. "Now I'm leaving to go see if Sango has managed to make any progress yet." Kagome moved to Sota's door and as she left the room she called out over her shoulder, "and Miroku? Next time try putting on underwear first." As Kagome walked she could hear Miroku's whimpers all the way back to her room. When she got back in her bedroom she sagged against the wall. 'Oh man, I never wanted to see that much of Miroku!'

"Um Kagome? Help?"

Kagome opened her eyes and groaned. Sango hadn't moved an inch since she had left. She was still dumbly holding the bra in one hand. Kagome threw up her hands in frustration and stalked over to Sango. "Take off your shirt!"

"Wha…"

"Just do it!" screamed Kagome.

Too afraid to argue Sango quickly shed her shirt and waited for further instructions.

"Now put your arms through these," Kagome pointed to the straps, "and pull them up to your shoulders. Now it should seem pretty self explanatory from here."

Sango quickly nodded, biting her tongue to keep from asking any more questions. Pleased with this response Kagome walked behind her and clasped the bra. "There, now put the rest of your clothes on. I need to go check on those idiotic boys again."

Kagome once again made the trek to Sota's room. When she got there she slapped her forehead and groaned in pain. Miroku was leaning against a wall, pantless. His shirt went down to his thighs so it did saved Kagome from another embarrassing situation. Inuyasha had his shirt on backwards and his socks over his hands. And Shippo had one sock over his tail and had a pair of underwear over his head.

"So how did we do?" asked Inuyasha.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Uh huh."

"Ok, first Miroku, where are your pants? Second, Inuyasha your shirt is on backwards which is kinda hard to do since it's a button down, and those socks, which are on your hands are suppose to be on your feet. And Shippo. Poor, poor Shippo. Somehow you got a hold of Miroku's undergarments. That is his sock on your tail and his underwear on your head."

At this revelation Shippo immediately fainted.

"Hey, I didn't wear them yet!" replied Miroku indignantly.

"The thought is disgusting enough," responded Inuyasha.

Something then registered in Kagome's mind. "Hey Miroku, where's your other sock?" she asked hesitantly, not sure she wanted to know.

Miroku's face turned red at this question and Inuyasha laughed.

"Haha! I told you that you were wrong!" said Inuyasha gleefully.

"Well you were wrong too!" retorted Miroku.

"Wait, wait. Wrong about what?" asked Kagome, already dreading the answer.

"Well me and Inuyasha each thought of different uses for these 'socks' that you gave us. Neither of us had a clue what they were actually for, so we guessed," said Miroku sheepishly.

"And?"

"Well as you can see Inuyasha thought they went on your hands."

"And you?" asked Kagome nervously.

For his answer Miroku turned towards her and removed his hand from his crotch. She had previously thought that he was holding himself because he was still in pain. She was wrong. Very wrong. She watched a sock slowly slide down to the floor. Where it previously was you could probably guess.

"Oh. My. God." Kagome uttered, holding a hand up to her mouth.

"It was a little big," mumbled Miroku.

"Ha, or maybe you're just a little small," teased Inuyasha.

"Never! Besides, I highly doubt that you could fit in that sock either," replied Miroku, trying to defend his honor.

Inuyasha an eyebrow at the sock, almost as if mentally putting it on. "You're right," he finally said.

Miroku cheered in victory, but it was short lived.

"I would need a bigger sock."

Miroku's jaw hit the floor and Kagome attempted to back up out of the room. However, she forgot where she was and instead backed up into a wall. But she seemed unaware of this as her feet kept moving.

"You lie!" shouted Miroku.

"Why would I lie?" asked Inuyasha.

"Maybe because you're really very small. So to make up for it you lie about your size," suggested Miroku.

"You're just jealous."

"SHUT UP!" screamed Kagome, finally realizing that she wasn't going anywhere. "Just shut up. And put on your underwear Miroku."

When Miroku looked confused Kagome pointed to Shippo's head. Miroku's eyes followed her finger to see that his underwear was still on Shippo's head. He walked over and yanked it off Shippo's head. He then attempted to put them on.

Kagome sighed. "Miroku?"

"What?"

"You're putting them on backwards."

Miroku huffed in frustration and immediately tried to pull them back down. However, somehow in the process of pulling them down he lost his balance, flailed for a moment, and then fell over onto his face. And while falling his shirt flew up, flashing his butt to Kagome.

"Oh lord," came a voice from behind Kagome.

Kagome turned around in time to see Sango faint. 'Well, at least she's dressed properly,' thought Kagome wryly. When she turned back around she was pleased to see Miroku was back up with his underwear gone from his hands, presumably on correctly.

"Kagome, I need new pants. My other ones got all cut up," said Miroku, pointing to a pile of shredded clothing lying in a corner.

"Why did you cut them up so much? Wait. Never mind. I don't want to know. I'll go get you new pants. While I'm gone Inuyasha fix yourself up. And try to wake Shippo up."

"What about Sango?" asked Miroku.

Kagome glanced at the fainted girl. "Just leave her there for now." Kagome quickly left the room before any more stupid questions/comments could be made. She climbed up into the attic and pulled out another pair of her dad's pants. She then walked back to Sota's room, taking a deep breath to prepare herself for whatever chaos the boys decided to create next. She was pleasantly surprised when she saw Inuyasha had successfully corrected his clothes. Shippo was just beginning to wake up and Miroku was leaning against a wall, patiently waiting for some pants. She stepped over Sango's prone figure and tossed the pants to Miroku. "Here, put those one. And be careful this time."

Miroku looked at the pants, a look of fear on his face. He then gingerly put his legs in the pant legs and pulled the pants up. Then he got to the tricky part. He had his left hand in his pants protecting his favorite body part while he used his right hand to pull up the zipper. Sadly this didn't work as the pants weren't loose enough to allow Miroku's hand in. So everyone was treated to the enjoyable sight of Miroku hopping up and down, fighting with his zipper. He soon gave up and gave Kagome a plaintive look. "Kagome! These pants are too small! The zipper won't go up!" he cried.

"Maybe…you should…take your hand…out of….your…PANTS!" snorted Kagome between bouts of laughter.

"What? Never! What if the zipper catches you know…"

"You put your underwear on, correct?"

"Yeah…"

"Then don't worry, your precious…thing…is safe," said Kagome, she couldn't bring herself to say Miroku's favorite body part.

"Oh…" and Miroku quickly pulled his zipper up. "Hmm, that wasn't too hard."

Kagome smacked her forehead and turned to the kitsune. "How are you doing Shippo?"

"Umm, not too good. Everything is too big for me and my tail gets in the way," he cried.

"Oh damn. I was afraid of that."

"Kagome what am I suppose to do?"

"Well can't you change yourself into a boy?"

"I'll try." Shippo then changed…into a creature that sort of resembled a boy. His version of a boy had bright orange shaggy hair, pointed ears, and a big, bushy tail. "So how do I look?" asked Shippo, twirling around.

"Um…hehe…heh," responded Kagome.

"You look like a bigger version of yourself with human looking arms and legs," replied Inuyasha. He then decided to be more specific. "You look horrible. Something like a cat might spit up."

Shippo than happened to glance in a mirror. And immediately changed back. "Well, I'm still young. My powers haven't fully developed yet." He turned to Kagome with tears sparkling in his eyes. "Kagome what am I suppose to do?" he wailed plaintively.

Kagome took three deep breaths so she wouldn't scream in frustration and then happened to get an idea. "Shippo, you know I have a little brother, right?"

"Yeah…"

"Well how would you like to hang out with him for the next few days?"

Shippo appeared to be in deep thought for a few seconds. "Alright."

"Good. Now I'm going downstairs. Finish doing whatever you want and come down. Oh, and someone bring Sango too."

_End Flashback_

Now Kagome waited until her idiotic friends came downstairs so she could torture herself some more by taking them shopping. Shippo had just come down and was sitting quietly beside her. Now she only needed everyone else to come down. She didn't have to wait long.

"Put me down you lech! I'm perfectly capable of walking!"

"But Sango what if you have a relapse of earlier? I don't want to see you fall down the stairs when you faint."

"I only fainted because I saw your HAIRY BUTT!"

Kagome looked at the stairs and laughed. Miroku had Sango slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and was trying to keep his footing while Sango pounded on his back. All while Inuyasha followed them, his hands clasped behind his neck while laughing hysterically at the scene in front of him.

"Why Sango, I didn't realize you were watching. If I would have known I would have put on a better show."

Sango groaned in annoyance and then decided to yank Miroku's ponytail.

"Ow…ow…ow…ow…OW!" Miroku miraculously didn't fall the last five steps, which was truly amazing because his face was pointed towards the ceiling as Sango pulled his hair. When he reached the bottom he quickly put Sango down and rubbed his head. "You know you didn't have pull so hard!" he whined.

Sango simply glared at him than sat down in a huff next to Kagome. "So when are we going?"

"Whenever we are ready," came the reply.

"Then let's go," said Inuyasha.

Kagome stood up and abruptly sat back down. That earned her more than a few weird looks from her friends.

"Why Kagome, if you cannot walk why didn't you just tell me? I would be more than happy to carry you!" exclaimed Miroku.

Kagome stood up, walked over to Miroku, punched him, than sat down again. "See? I can still walk."

"Well than are we gonna go or not?" pestered Inuyasha.

"Can't go yet," replied Kagome.

"Why not?" asked Sango.

"Can't drive."

"What's drive?" asked Miroku.

"Never mind. But we have to wait for my mom to come back so she can take us to the store." Kagome slumped against the couch, definitely not looking forward to having to explain what a 'car' is.

"Oh. Well where she is?" asked Miroku.

Kagome glared at Miroku who gulped. "Sit down. Shut up. And wait patiently for my mom to come back," she replied dangerously.

Miroku and Inuyasha immediately sat down, both of them trading nervous glances with each other. Five minutes later Inuyasha started fidgeting. When Miroku wasn't looking he quickly tied the unsuspecting monk's shoelaces together. When Miroku looked at him he grinned innocently.

"What did you do?" asked Miroku suspiciously.

"I said NO TALKING!"

Inuyasha grimaced in pain and lowered his ears to his head. Five minutes later he was fidgeting again. This time he poked Miroku in the side.

"HAHA! That tickled!" squealed Miroku.

"NO TALKING!"

Miroku glared at Inuyasha who simply smiled back. He was about to seek his revenge when the front door opened. 'Damn, there goes my thought of revenge.'

"Hello Kagome. You're back early. Oh you brought your friends with you. That's nice," said Kagome's mom cheerfully walking through the door with Sota on her tail.

"Oh cool Kagome! You brought Inuyasha back!" shouted Sota, who eyes then happened to land on Shippo. "Oh wow! Is that Shippo? Can he play with me? Huh? Can he?!"

"Of course. That's why he came. He's going to hang out with you while we go shopping and go to the pool party," replied Kagome, giving Shippo a nudge.

Shippo immediately jumped off the couch and ran to Sota. "You want to play?" he asked excitedly.

"Of course!" Sota grabbed Shippo's hand and they ran up to his room.

"Hey Mom? Do you think you could take us to the mall? We all need bathing suits for tomorrow," said Kagome.

"Of course dear. Are you guys ready to go now?"

"Yeah," Kagome replied jumping up.

Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku followed her lead and all stood up as well. Inuyasha and Sango than walked to the front door. Miroku tried but sadly fell on his face. As he sat up rubbing his nose Kagome glanced at his shoes.

"You know Miroku, you're suppose to tie each shoe separately, not together," she remarked wryly.

As Miroku retied his shoelaces everyone laughed at the embarrassed monk. When he was finished he stomped outside. When he passed Inuyasha he whispered in the hanyou's ear, "just you wait Inuyasha. I'll get you back."

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Now wasn't that a perfectly pointless chapter? I'm hoping you guys thought it was as funny as I did. If not than I'll feel sad. The next chapter has the group going to a shopping mall. Can you say doom? Well as always, please review and I may have the heart to post the next chapter soon!


	3. The Shopping Trip from Hell

I'm ba-ack! Here's your next chapter for being so nice in your reveiws. I appreciate every single one of them! Hope you enjoy!

Disclaimer: Don't own Inuyasha, I've got nothing interesting to say here today. My brains's taking a break.

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**Speedo!**

Chapter 3: The Shopping Trip From Hell

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Kagome was surprised. Getting her friends into the car proved to be less of a hassle than getting them dressed. It helped that Inuyasha had seen a car before because all he had to do was pick up the resistors, Miroku and Sango, throw them into the car and quickly shut the door. And since neither Miroku nor Sango knew how the door worked they were stuck. And then all Kagome had to do was threaten to not take them to the party which worked wonderfully. The whole trip to the mall not a word was heard from Miroku or Sango. Once they got to the mall Kagome's mom stopped the van so they could pile out.

"So what time should I be back to pick you guys up?" she asked, turning to look at her daughter.

"Oh, an hour oughta cut it," replied Kagome. Right after she said that she happened to glance at her friends. Sango was cautiously poking the van window, Miroku was playing with the windshield wipers, and Inuyasha looked like he was about to give Miroku a wedgie. "You know what, you better make that two hours."

"Alright dear, have fun and good luck!" replied her mom before speeding out of the mall parking lot.

"Oh yeah, thanks a lot," grumbled Kagome. An ear-piercing shriek then broke through the air. Kagome turned to see Miroku pulling his pants down while Inuyasha and Sango rolled on the ground in laughter.

"Why me? Does no one want me to have kids?" whimpered Miroku, gingerly rubbing his crotch.

"Um Miroku? Please don't do that in public," Kagome said quickly.

"Why? It hurts!"

"You just don't do that."

Miroku painfully sighed but did as Kagome requested. Inuyasha and Sango also picked themselves off the ground.

"Can we get you guys your bathing suits now?" asked Kagome, placing her hands on her hips and looking annoyed. When her friends nodded she stomped over to the mall doors and opened one. When her friends reached the door she slammed it in their faces.

"Um Kagome?" ventured Sango. "Don't we need to go in there?"

"Of course," said Kagome, "but he can't go in like that."

Everyone followed her gaze to Inuyasha's ears. Inuyasha looked hesitantly at Kagome. "What do you plan on doing?" he asked nervously.

For an answer Kagome withdrew the pair of scissors she snagged from Sota's room. Inuyasha's face paled and he covered his ears with his hands. "You can't cut them off! They're mine! Mine!" he screeched.

Miroku cracked up at the distraught hanyou. At Inuyasha's glare Miroku explained himself. "You sound exactly like I did when Kagome brought the scissors out when the zipper attacked me. It's kind of weird. My favorite body part is well you know. I won't say it for fear of Sango hitting me. While your favorite body part are your ears. Isn't that kind of lame Inuyasha?"

Inuyasha swiped at Miroku with one hand. Miroku easily sidestepped it. "They're not my favorite body part! But that doesn't mean I'll allow them to get cut off!"

Now Kagome laughed. "Wow, you are very easily scared, you know that Inuyasha? Do you honestly think I would cut your ears off?" she asked.

"Maybe. Especially when you're doing that PMS thingy," he grumbled in reply.

Kagome figured it wouldn't be wise to murder Inuyasha in the mall parking lot so she instead pulled out of her other pocket a bandana. "Lower your head you idiot. I need to put this on."

Inuyasha stared at the bandana, a worried look on his face. "Will it hurt?" he asked.

"Lower your damn head. Now," said Kagome for an answer. "Or I'll say it."

That got Inuyasha to lower his head. Kagome swiftly tied the bandana around his head. She opened the door again. "Everyone inside," she ordered.

Everyone scampered into the mall and Inuyasha immediately covered his nose.

"Kagome, it stinks in here!" he complained.

"Oh well, deal with it," she replied before walking off. She turned around once to look at her friends. "Are you gonna follow me or stand there and look like idiots?"

As they caught up to Kagome Sango mumbled under her breath, "I wonder what's pissing Kagome off today?"

Miroku was about to respond when he discovered they had caught up to the girl in question. He logically decided to keep his comments to himself as he could almost see the steam pouring out of Kagome's ears.

The walk to the store was uneventful. Sango only had to hit Miroku three times for stopping to stare at girls. Once they got to the store, which was just some random department store that sold bathing suits, Kagome walked immediately to the men's section. She went to the bathing suit section and then stopped. She turned to face her friends and was surprised to see that Sango's face had gone pale.

"Sango what's wrong?" she asked.

"I can't wear those! They don't cover my chest!"

"Ooh Kagome, I like these bathing suits," remarked Miroku.

Kagome punched Miroku before comforting her friend. "Sango, we are in the men's section. These are the bathing suits for Inuyasha and Miroku. Our section is in another part of the store."

The color slowly returned to Sango's face and she gave a big sigh of relief. "Good, for a second there I thought I was a goner."

"My dear Sango, you may still wear one of these if you'd like."

This time Sango punched the monk. Before Sango could get around to murdering him Kagome quickly threw some money into Inuyasha's hand and dragged Sango away from the boys.

"Buy your and Miroku's swimsuits and then go to the food court. We'll meet you there."

"Where's the food court?" Inuyasha shouted after Kagome.

"It's the place you said smelled the worse!"

"Oh damn, not that hell hole again," he sighed, turning to Miroku. "Let's get this over with. Start looking for one you'd like," he growled.

"Aye aye Captain!" replied Miroku, giving Inuyasha a mock salute.

"You dummy, just start looking."

Miroku and Inuyasha spent the next ten minutes searching through the racks of swimsuits. Miroku eventually made his way over to a rack that was labeled "SPEEDO." Those garments appeared interesting to him so he called Inuyasha over.

"Hey Inuyasha, are these also swimsuits?"

"How the hell would I know. Why? You want one?"

"I don't know. Do girls like these?" Miroku pondered.

"Maybe. I've never exactly asked though."

"I think they would. After all, it does show off what I have to offer. What girl wouldn't want to see that?"

"I don't know. I guess it depends on if it would be flattering or embarrassing to show it off."

"Of course it would be flattering!"

"How do you know?" asked Inuyasha.

"Because I just do. So do you think I should get it?"

"I don't care. Do what you want." Inuyasha walked off and went back to the swimming trunks rack.

Miroku appeared to be in deep thought before finally grabbing a dark purple speedo. 'Wait til Sango sees me in this!'

Inuyasha looked around until he settles on a red pair of swimming trunks and then he met back up with Miroku. When he saw Miroku's choice of color he raised an eyebrow. "Purple? Isn't that sort of girly?"

"Hey, purple is my favorite color! And you're not much better. Red isn't exactly manly," shot back Miroku, clutching his speedo protectively.

"Feh, red is better than purple. And relax, I'm not gonna take it from you."

Miroku slightly relaxed his grip on his speedo and then looked around. "Hey Inuyasha? Where do we buy these things at?"

Inuyasha joined his friend in search, his face slowly plummeting. "Shit."

========

"Hey Kagome do you think it was wise to leave the boys by themselves?" asked Sango as she searched for a swimsuit that covered more than 3% of her body.

"If we stayed there Miroku would be dead right now and you would be wanted for murder," Kagome casually replied, searching through the swimsuit that covered 3% of her body.

"Oh. I guess when you put it that way it makes sense."

"Of course it does. Besides, would you want Miroku in this section?"

"Another good point." Sango then growled in annoyance. "Kagome are there any less revealing bathing suits?"

Kerugma turned to her friend and couldn't help smiling. "Yes there are Sango. You see you have to look on the one-piece rack. You are currently searching through the two-piece rack."

Sango's face turned bright red and she quickly went to the one-piece rack. "That sounds logical," she mumbled.

Twenty minutes later both of them had picked out five bathing suits to try on. They went into the fitting rooms and proceeded to try them on. After each of them had one on they would open the doors and critique each other. Which is why it took another twenty minutes for them to try on the swimsuits. When they were finally done they picked out their favorite. Sango's was a simple dark green one-piece. The straps crisscrossed in the back but other than that it was simple. Kagome had picked out a blue bikini with a pattern of white Hawaiian flowers. The sides of the bottom piece were tied together and the top was tied in the back behind her neck.

"Oh wow Kagome, Inuyasha is going to love you in that!" gushed Sango.

Kagome looked down at the bikini she was holding in her hand. "You think?"

"How could he not? You'll be showing off most of your body. Plus you look really good in it."

"Thanks Sango. And I also feel sorry for you because Miroku will be all over you."

"Oh man, I sure hope not! Hopefully you'll take all of his attention!" replied Sango.

"No, don't say that! Miroku is all yours!" laughed Kagome.

"Thanks. Thanks a lot," Sango sarcastically replied.

Laughing the two girls made their way to the cashier. Once there Kagome bought the swimsuits and then she and Sango walked to the food court. They were surprised to see that the boys hadn't shown up yet. They found an empty table and sat down.

"Do you think they're ok?" asked Sango a little worriedly. "Shouldn't they have been done by now?"

"I would think so. Well maybe they're just really picky," replied Kagome, tapping her foot anxiously. The girls waited for another ten minutes.

Sango looked around the food court but still couldn't see Inuyasha or Miroku. "Do you think one of us should go search for them?" she wondered.

"Maybe…there they are! Inuyasha! Miroku! Over here!" shouted Kagome waving her arms in the air. The two boys made their way to the table and plopped down on the empty chairs.

"Kagome, I'm never going shopping again," groaned Inuyasha.

"Neither am I," agreed Miroku with a sigh.

"What happened?" asked Kagome, wondering what kind of mess they got into this time.

"You never told us where to buy the damn swimsuits at! We wondered around the store forever trying to find where to buy them!" exclaimed Inuyasha, looking extremely pissed.

"Wait. You mean to tell me that the big signs over the cashiers that said 'Check Out' didn't ring a bell?"

"No, they made sense to me," replied Miroku, rubbing the back of his head thoughtfully. "But when we went there they were all men. Why would I want to check out a man?"

Both Kagome and Sango slammed their heads on the table.

"Did I say something wrong?" mused Miroku.

"Beats me," replied Inuyasha.

Kagome and Sango lifted their heads off the table. They glanced at each other, stood up, and grabbed Inuyasha and Miroku's hair. They dragged them out of the mall paying no attention to the odd looks they received.

"Ow! Damn wench! What the hell was that for?" growled Inuyasha once they were outside.

"For being you," came the response.

"And what was you reason Sango? groaned Miroku, gently rubbing his sore head.

"Same reason."

"Oh well ok then. Thanks for the grand explanations," replied Inuyasha, sending a murderous look in Kagome's general direction. She chose to ignore it, instead opting to look for her mom's van. She didn't have to wait long as her mom pulled up five minutes later.

"Find what you needed?" asked Kagome's mom as they piled into the van.

"Yes," answered Kagome tiredly.

"Have fun?"

"NO!" was shouted by four people which caused Kagome's mom to suddenly swerve from surprise. Miroku and Sango clutched their seats looking terrified out of their minds. Kagome could catch snippets of a prayer Miroku was muttering under his breath. Needless to say the rest of the trip home was silent.

========

Gotta love Miroku. Well next chapter will be the last one. This trip through the demented regions of my mind has to come to an end. But the next chapter will be really really long. The longest chapter I've ever written. I think it's about 13 pages. That's long. But that's because it will be the moment we've all been waiting for-the party! So make sure you review so you can later tune it for the concluding chapter of this…story. Yes, I'm grasping at straws when I call it a story. I'm not quite sure what it should be called. I'll create a new word for it. At some other time. Later!

Just some answers to a couple questions that were asked:

**makeyourselfduo:** No, you're not insane. If I say or spell something over and over again I either think it sounds funny or looks funny. Or maybe we're just both insane.

**mirokuluver:** Aww, how am I torturing you? But if I am torturing you that's also cool. : )


	4. Inuyasha is GAY?

Hey everyone, I'm back for my fourth and final installment of Speedo! This is my favorite chapter so I hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I only own a little bit of stuff, sadly Inuyasha isn't one of them. Oh, and "I'm too Sexy" is owned by Right Said Fred. (curious now?)

========

**Speedo!**

Chapter 4: Inuyasha is…GAY?

========

"Are you guys ready to go?" shouted Kagome from the bottom of the stairs. She already had her swimsuit on under her clothes and was now waiting for her friends. They were supposedly putting on their swimsuits and shorts and t-shirts Kagome gave them. When no response came Kagome tried again. "Are you guys alive?"

"Damn wench, are you always so impatient?" asked Inuyasha gruffly from the top of the stairs.

"Yeah, like you're one to talk," shot back Kagome. She then happened to look at Inuyasha's legs. They were pure white. In fact, so were his arms. She couldn't help it. She cracked up.

"Hey what's so funny?" demanded Inuyasha.

"Your…farmer's tan!" gasped out Kagome.

Inuyasha looked confused at this answer. "Have you lost your mind? I'm not a farmer!"

Kagome regained her composure long enough to explain it to Inuyasha. "No, it just means your body is white except for what is always out it the sun. Since with what you wear only your feet, hands, and face are tanned. So you look a little funny."

Inuyasha looked a little hurt at her explanation but before he could respond Sango pushed him aside, ran down the stairs, and hid behind Kagome.

"Kagome save me!" she begged.

"Huh? What's wrong?" asked Kagome, craning her neck to look at her friend.

"Miroku won't leave me alone! He keeps trying to convince me to model my bathing suit for him," she frantically explained, digging her fingers into Kagome's shoulders.

At the mention of his name Miroku casually strolled into view and started making his way down the stairs. And now Inuyasha was yelling at Sango for pushing him. Kagome's eyes lit up.

"Sit."

Inuyasha fell forward and since he was at the top of the stairs he started sliding down the stairs. He ran into Miroku who yelled in surprise. As the girls watched Inuyasha and Miroku roll down the stairs in a mass of flailing limbs they cracked up. Which was too bad for them. They were so busy laughing they didn't have the sense to move out of the way. Kagome saw too late what was going to happen.

"Oh shit."

Sango turned to her friend in shock. She had never heard Kagome curse before. "Kago…OOMPH!!" And the girls were bowled over by Inuyasha and Miroku.

Miroku slowly opened his eyes when he stopped moving. He was on top of something somewhat soft…and smooth. He looked down and was greeted by one pissed off girl. His eyes lit up in glee. "Why Kagome, I had no idea you thought that way about me. But you know, it would be easier, and more fun, if we got rid of our clothes."

"Damn perverted monk," growled Inuyasha as he grabbed Miroku by his arm and flung him off of Kagome. Kagome immediately stood up and grabbed a book that was sitting on a table. She pitched it at Miroku.

"OW!" shouted Miroku as the book hit him square in the forehead. "Jeez Kagome, where did you get such a good arm? That hurt!" he whined while rubbing the red mark the book had left imprinted on his forehead.

"Hmph, it's no more than you deserve," retorted Kagome while stalking out the front door. She turned her head to shout to her friends, "Well, are we gonna go or what?"

Sango abruptly jumped up and ran out the door. Inuyasha grabbed Miroku's collar and dragged him out the door. Once outside he threw the monk unceremoniously into the open van door and jumped in after him. Sango and Kagome were already in the van as well as Kagome's mom.

"Alright mom, we can leave now," said Kagome, refusing to even glance in Miroku's general direction. Kagome's mom nodded and drove off. The trip to Eri's house only took five minutes which was good. Not a word was spoken the whole time. Kagome was pissed at Miroku. Inuyasha was pissed at Sango and Kagome. Sango was pissed at Miroku. Miroku was pissed at no one, but then no one would talk to him.

"Well we're here," stated Kagome's mom. "You have towels in the back."

"Oh, thanks mom. I'll see you later, alright?"

"Of course. Have fun."

Everyone piled out of the van and Kagome grabbed the towels. Kagome led the way to Eri's front door and she rang the bell. She heard someone shout and run up to the door. A moment later it was flung open and there stood Eri. She had on a pair of blue board shorts and a white tank top from which her bikini top could clearly be seen.

"Kagome! You made it!" shrieked Eri in joy. She gave Kagome a quick hug and then her eyes landed on Inuyasha. "Oh my, who's this?" she whispered in Kagome's ear.

"This is Inuyasha, Sango, and Miroku," replied Kagome, pointing to her friends in turn.

"Wow, Inuyasha and Miroku are hot!"

When Miroku heard that his eyes lit up and he walked up to Eri. Before he could say a word Kagome knocked him out of the way.

"Kagome what was that for?" complained Eri, a little put out that she couldn't talk to the cute guy.

"I would keep my distance from Miroku."

"Why?"

"He's a pervert."

"What does he do?"

"Oh, I'm sure you'll find out today," replied Kagome offhandedly. "Now are we gonna be invited in or just stand on your front porch all day?" she teased.

Eri lightly blushed and stepped aside to let the four in. "Sorry about that. Well everyone else is already here. They're all by the pool."

"Oh, who else is here?" asked Kagome.

"Um, there's Yuka and Ayumi of course. Then Hojo, Yoshio, Shuya, Sakura, and Izumi. It's just a small party."

"That Hobo guy is here?" growled Inuyasha.

"Hobo? Oh, you must mean Hojo! Of course he's here!" said Eri, completely ignoring the way Inuyasha's face darkened at the mention of Hojo.

"Inuyasha stop it! Just be good for once," whispered Kagome.

Inuyasha stopped growling at once. The last thing he wanted was to be sat in a crowd of people.

"Well what are you guys waiting for? Let's go join the party!" said Eri excitedly. She grabbed Kagome's hand and sped off to the back of her house. Sango, Miroku, and Inuyasha chased after them. Sango and Inuyasha managed to get on the open side of the sliding glass door. Miroku…not so lucky.

_SMACK!_

All the partygoers stopped talking and turned to the door to see Miroku plastered to it. They watched in silence as he peeled himself off of it, stick his hand tentatively through the open side, and then step on the patio.

"Hi. I'm Miroku," he said, waving to the awestruck people. At this point everyone laughed at the scene they had just witnessed.

Once everyone calmed down Eri made introductions. She started off with her friends.

"This is Yuka and Ayumi," she said pointing to her other best friends. Yuka had on a simple blue two piece with the boy shorts bottom. Ayumi had a bikini that was a flamboyant pink. "And this is Sakura," she continued, pointing to a petite girl with long black hair pulled into a loose ponytail. Sakura had on a pair of black board shorts with a white bikini top. Sakura shyly waved to Kagome's friends and Miroku enthusiastically waved back. Eri continued. "Next up is Yoshio." Eri pointed out a well-toned guy with shoulder length black hair. He had on a pair of board shorts that was dark blue on the front and back and light blue on the sides. Before Sango could check him out any further Eri continued. "And here would be Hojo, or Hobo as Inuyasha originally thought," she joked. Hojo had on a pair of dark green board shorts with a loose fitting white t-shirt. When Inuyasha started growling Kagome smacked his arm before anyone else could hear him. "This is Izumi." Izumi was wearing a black and blue one-piece and her hair was cropped close to her head. "And finally, this is Shuya." Shuya looked the part of a party animal. His hair was spiked and happened to be dyed a dark red. He had his eyebrow pierced as well as his left ear. And his bathing suit was neon green. All in all he stood out pretty well.

Inuyasha stared at Shuya. He was trying to determine if Shuya was a demon or not. When he started sniffing in Shuya's direction Kagome poked him.

"What are you doing?" she hissed.

"Is that Shuya guy a demon?"

"What?" shouted Kagome. When everyone stared at her she smiled and lowered her voice. "How can you think Shuya is a demon? Doesn't your nose work anymore?"

"No reason to get all worked up over it. I was just wondering," grumbled Inuyasha.

Inuyasha and Kagome's attention was brought back to the party when Eri started introducing them.

"You all know Kagome. She was kind enough to bring three of her friends. This is Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango," said Eri.

Yuka and Ayumi immediately ran up to Kagome.

"Oh wow Kagome, I had no idea you had such hot friends!" squealed Yuka.

"Please tell me they're single!" added Ayumi.

"They may be singled but you definitely don't want them," mumbled Sango.

"Why not?" asked Yuka.

Sango looked extremely flustered. "Oops. I didn't mean to say that out loud." Sango was saved from further embarrassment when Yoshio and Sakura joined the group.

"Say Inuyasha?" asked Izumi.

"What?"

"I was just wondering, are those real dog ears?"

At this question the Feudal group froze up. Kagome had completely forgotten about covering Inuyasha's ears. But by thinking quickly she came up with an excuse.

"Birth defect," she said like it was no big deal and there were always people being born with dog ears.

"Birth defect?" repeated Yoshio.

"Yeah. The doctors don't know how he got them. Maybe radiation or something," said Kagome.

"Wow! When I'm pregnant I'm gonna stand in front of a microwave all day so my kid will get dog ears!" exclaimed Yuka.

At this comment Kagome's jaw dropped, as a matter everyone's jaw dropped. Well to rephrase that everyone but Yuka, Inuyasha, Miroku, and Sango's jaw dropped. Yuka was daydreaming about a baby with dog ears and the others didn't know what radiation or a microwave was.

"You may not want to do that Yuka as there is a much higher chance of you getting cancer than your kid being born with dog ears," said Kagome.

"Oh phooey. But if the doctors ever find out what caused them you'll be sure to tell me, right Inuyasha?"

"Of course Yuka. You'll be the first person he will hell," Kagome dryly said.

Yuka clapped her hands and giggled like a giddy schoolgirl. "Oh yea! I can't wait!"

Before anymore stupid comments could be make about dog ears and radiation Kagome changed the subject. "So are we gonna go swimming or just stand around all day?"

"Yeah, we'll go swimming. But I ordered some pizza half an hour ago so it should be arriving any minute now," said Eri. "But why don't you guys relax until then? Heck, you still have your shoes on!"

Kagome looked down and sure enough, her shoes were still on. She bent down to take them off and signaled for her friends to do the same. But too late she realized that Inuyasha was standing in the sun. And he was about to put his bare feet down on some extremely hot concrete. "Inuyasha…" was as far as she got before he screamed.

"AHHHH! Hell! Shit! Damn! This shit is HOT!" he yelped while hopping from foot to foot. He didn't realize that if he stepped a foot to his right he would be in the shade, and on some cool concrete. Instead he decided to jump in the pool, clothes and all. As he came to the surface sputtering he was greeted by a wave of laughter. Everyone was laughing at the show he had just put on. He dragged himself out of the pool and quickly ran into the shade. He looked the picture of a poor, pathetic, wet dog.

Kagome patted the soaking Inuyasha. "Poor Inuyasha. But you know, if you wanted to go swimming so bad you just had to tell us. No reason to jump into the pool with your clothes on."

Inuyasha swiped at her hand but she withdrew it before he was able to make contact with it. At that moment the doorbell rang. And Inuyasha smelled food. Really good food. His ears perked up and he followed the scent to the front door. And since he was starving he thought it would be a good idea to go to the food. Before anyone could stop him he charged off back into the house.

"Well, guess he's hungry," remarked Eri, following the wet dog. Kagome laughed and followed her fried, after all, there was no telling what Inuyasha would do to the poor delivery boy. She never should have worried. Inuyasha wasn't even able to get to the delivery boy. She and Eri, and everyone else as they thought it would be funny to see what Inuyasha did, were just in time to see Inuyasha run onto the floor, the nice shiny hardwood floor, and go flying into the front door. He body slammed the front door and then fell backwards onto his back. And for the second time in two minutes everyone laughed at the disgruntled hanyou's expense.

Kagome walked up to him and grabbing one sprawled out hand she dragged him away from the front door. Eri smiled her thanks and opened the door to meet the frightened delivery boy. He stared at her in fear; after all, something had just flown into the door that was now open. It wasn't right. He peered over her shoulder to see a boy lying on the floor. 'Ahh,' he thought, 'he must have slid into the door.' The boy then did a double take. 'He has…dog ears?'

"Excuse me?" said Eri, waving her hand in front of the boy's face. "How much do I owe you?"

"Huh? Oh. $40," he said, not taking his eyes away from Inuyasha. When Eri paid him he gave her the pizzas. Then before she could slam the door in his face he found his voice again. "Say, are those real dog ears?"

Eri looked at the boy and decided to not waste the time telling him the truth. "Nah, he just likes to pretend to be a dog sometimes."

"Weird," said the boy before the door was slammed in his face.

Inuyasha looked up when Eri had slammed the door. "Hey, I heard that! I do not like to pretend to be a dog!"

Eri simply smiled and held the pizza above Inuyasha. "So would you like some pizza Inuyasha? After all, you did attack a door to get to it," she teased.

"I did not attack a door," grumbled Inuyasha, rising to his feet. He then cautiously walked the rest of the way to the back patio. He was not going to slip again.

Luckily for his sanity and reputation Inuyasha made it the rest of the way without any unfortunate mishaps. Miroku did try to push him once but Inuyasha caught him before he was able to and slammed the monk into a wall. Miroku didn't try that again.

Once everyone was outside Eri opened the pizza boxes. "Help yourself. There should be plenty for everyone."

The pizza disappeared in about 5 minutes, Inuyasha eating half a box to himself. He would have gone for a full box but Kagome made him save some pizza for the others. Once everyone was done Eri threw the boxes away.

"So are you guys ready to go swimming?" she asked.

When there was a chorus of 'yeas!' Eri walked over to her CD player. Then looking slyly at Inuyasha and Miroku she quickly picked a song on her CD and pressed play, and pumped up the volume. "Let's swim!" she shouted.

Eri pulled off her tank top and dove into the water. Miroku watched with an awestruck expression. 'Oh wow. She's a goddess! Must go join her.' As Miroku started walking dumbly towards the pool Kagome reached out a grabbed him.

"You have to take your shorts and t-shirt off first," she reminded him while the modern kids jumped into the pool.

"Ahh, right." Miroku pulled off his shirt but before he got to his shorts a grin lit up his face. He had heard the music. "Sango! It's my song!" he shouted in joy.

_I'm too sexy for my shirt_

_Too sexy for my shirt_

So sexy _it hurts_

Sango rolled her eyes at the perverted monk. "In your dreams maybe!" she shouted back. She then followed Kagome's lead and took off her outer clothing. She happened to glance back at Miroku and Inuyasha and couldn't help but laugh. Both of them were speechless and their faces bright red. "Hey Kagome," she whispered to her friend, "I think we got ourselves a couple of admirers."

Kagome looked back and laughed as well when she saw the boys. She then whispered slyly, "so what do you say we put on a show?"

Sango grinned evilly and followed Kagome's lead. She and Kagome walked to the other side of the pool so that they could look at the Inuyasha and Miroku. The boy's eyes never left them. Kagome then bent down seductively and splashed some water on her chest. Now the boy's eyes were glazed over. She stood back and did a perfect swan dive into the pool. Sango watched her friend and inwardly laughed. Sango smiled flirtatiously at the boys and was pleased when Miroku gasped for air. 'Haha, they're such morons!' She attempted to copy Kagome's dive. She belly-flopped instead.

When Sango hit the water with a resounding _smack_ everyone groaned in pain. They all knew how painful belly flops were. Sango broke the surface of the water and gasped in pain. "What the hell kind of mess up jump is that Kagome?" she groaned in pain, clutching her stomach.

Kagome couldn't help but laugh at Sango. "Sango, Sango, Sango. You weren't suppose to land on your stomach! You enter the water with your hands first!"

Yoshio swam up to Sango and patted her shoulder comfortly. "It's alright. Everyone belly flops many times in their lives. It's how you get christened to a pool."

Sango glared at the way Yoshio was supposedly comforting her. She splashed his face in mirth and swam away.

Miroku, who was about to jump in to rescue Sango from the clutches of the evil Yoshio, sighed and backed off. He thought Yoshio was moving onto his girl but he was relieved when Sango splashed. But when he saw Sango laugh at Yoshio's expression his face soured again. 'Could it be that she was _flirting_ with him? Would my Sango actually flirt with another guy?' This idea seemed preposterous to Miroku so he quickly threw it out of his mind.

After seeing Sango's grand entrance to the pool Kagome turned back to Inuyasha and Miroku. She couldn't believe it. They were still standing there looking like idiots. She watched as Miroku's face grew worried, than confused, than angry, than happy, than worried again, and finally turned to bliss. She had no clue what was going on in his head and she really didn't want to know. She looked at Inuyasha and laughed when he had the same dumbstruck expression on his face as he had before she had dived.

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk_

_On the catwalk, yeah_

_I do my little on the catwalk_

As Miroku's ears registered the song again he slowly blinked. The song had disrupted him from his fantasies of swimming with Sango. At night. Alone. But it was such a good song that he immediately forgave it. He turned to Inuyasha and waved his hand in front of the frozen hanyou's face. "Hello? Anyone in there? Inuyasha? You alive? I'm guessing you noticed the girls?" he said lecherously.

Inuyasha dumbly nodded. "How could I miss Kagome?" he softly said.

Miroku slyly grinned at Inuyasha and slapped him in the back. "You dog! You do like her don't you? And it's about time you noticed Kagome's beauty. So why are you still standing here? Go join her!"

"Inuyasha! Miroku!" called out Kagome. "Get your butts in here! The water's great!"

Inuyasha made up his mind and pulled off his shirt and shorts. He was then treated to several girls whistling at him.

"Wow Kagome. Give him a tan and he could be a model!" whispered Yuka to her friend.

Kagome stared at Inuyasha and realized that Yuka was right. Besides for his ghostly white body Inuyasha was a prime specimen of the male species. 'Jeez, I'm getting to be as bad as Miroku. Looking a man only for his body…but Inuyasha sure is hot…I wonder what his pecks feel like…stop it! You really are turning into a pervert!' Kagome shook her head to rid herself of her perverted thoughts.

Inuyasha, noticing all the girls staring him except for Kagome who was shaking her head for some odd reason, turned red with embarrassment. "Hurry up monk. I want to get in the pool," he growled. There was no way he would go in the pool by himself. Not with the girls looking like they were ready to devour him whole and the guys looking like they were ready to murder him.

"Ok Inuyasha. I'll protect from the ravenous girls. I'll take them all for me!" he said, his voice filled with joy. This was what he was waiting for. A flock of girls who were wearing next to nothing. The world truly was too kind for him. But the world then decided that it was being too kind to Miroku. In fact, it decided to make Miroku's life, as well as Inuyasha's life, hell. Right about now.

Miroku yanked off his shorts.

_I'm a model you know what I mean_

_And I do my little turn on the catwalk_

_Yeah on the catwalk_

_On the catwalk yeah_

_I shake my little tush on the catwalk_

At the sight of Miroku in all his speedo glory Sango gasped and forgot where she was swimming. She bashed her head into the pool wall and was starting to go under when Yoshio came up and grabbed her arm. Yoshio than turned his head from the disgusting scene in front of him and gagged. Kagome, Eri, Yuka, and Ayumi all lost their knack for swimming and sank. They all resurfaced a few moments later only to repeat the process again. Sakura and Izumi stared at Miroku in embarrassment. Neither wanted to look but then they also couldn't command their heads to turn away. Hojo and Shuya covered their eyes with their hands.

Miroku, standing there in his skimpy purple speedo, looked confused. These weren't the reactions he was expecting. Well the guys reacted the right way, if they reacted in another way he would have been concerned with what way they swung. But he would have expected the girls to run up to him and treat him like a god. He knew if he were a girl he would have reacted that way, seeing how impressive he looked with his speedo on. But then he caught Izumi and Sakura staring at him with their mouths hanging open. Miroku beamed. It seemed that they were too awestruck to move. He had impressed them so much they were speechless.

Kagome, finally regaining her ability to swim, covered her eyes. "Miroku! Why are you wearing THAT?! I told you get a bathing suit. Not a SPEEDO!" she shouted in disgust.

Once Kagome spoke the spell was broken. Izumi and Sakura turned their heads so fast Miroku was afraid that they gave themselves whiplash.

Miroku saw everyone's disgusted faces and quickly realized his mistake. But then he figured out a fine way of seeking revenge on Inuyasha. He turned to his friend only to see him smirking at him. "What?" he asked.

"No reason the sock fell off. You're tiny," he scoffed.

At that comment Miroku's revenge was sealed. He didn't care what people thought of him, already they thought he was disgusting, all that mattered now was ruining Inuyasha's reputation as well. Miroku turned back to the group. "You mean you guys don't like it? But Inuyasha said it looked lovely on me!" he cried.

"Oh dude, that's beyond sick!" shouted Yoshio. "Jeez Kagome, I didn't realize that your friends were gay."

"What a waste of a fine male body. He's gay!" cried Ayumi.

Yuka turned to Sango. "So I'm assuming this is what you mean when you say we definitely don't want them?"

Sango, too busy trying to swim without cracking up, didn't respond. She knew Miroku wanted revenge on the hanyou, but this was something she never thought Miroku would do.

Inuyasha glared at Miroku, murder clearly written in his eyes. "You bastard! What the hell made you say that?"

Miroku held his hand up to his mouth in feign surprise. "Oh no! What did I do? I'm sorry Inuyasha, I forgot it was suppose to be our little secret."

Now Kagome joined Sango in her quest to not drown because she started laughing too hard.

Hearing Miroku's response to him Inuyasha backpedaled away from him. Right into the pool. And landed on top of Hojo.

"Eww! He's feeling Hojo!" squealed Izumi.

Kagome lost her battle for a moment but she quickly gained the advantage again.

Inuyasha and Hojo surfaced and Hojo looked at Inuyasha in fear and swam away as fast as he could. "A gay man touched me! A gay man touched me!" he screamed. "Someone help me! A gay man touched me!"

Inuyasha looked like he was about to attack the insane boy when Sakura swam to Hojo and put an arm around the distraught boy. Hojo calmed down and stopped shouting about gay men.

Sango swam over to Kagome and Inuyasha immediately followed her. He looked hurt when everyone else swam to the opposite of the pool. When the girls met they could no longer hold in their laughter and together they laughed at the thought of Miroku and Inuyasha being gay. They were the last two males on the face of the planet that would ever even think of turning gay. Inuyasha growled when he reached them and the girls slowly calmed down.

"Kagome, tell them I'm not gay!" demanded Inuyasha. He tried to sound gruff. He really did. But he whined. Kagome never heard the great Inuyasha whine before. She started laughing again.

"Why don't you try telling them?" suggested Sango.

Inuyasha thought for a moment and decided that it wouldn't hurt. "Hey! I'm not gay!" he shouted.

Miroku looked upset and threw his shoe at Inuyasha. It hit the hanyou in the head. Turned out shouting out you weren't gay could hurt.

Inuyasha glared at Miroku and threw the monk's shoe at the monk. It hit Miroku in the chest.

Miroku clutched his chest and screamed in agony. "No! Inuyasha how could you? How could you deny my love for you? Don't you know that I would do anything for you?"

"Then how about you go throw yourself off a cliff?" suggest Inuyasha.

"Poor Miroku. Even though they're gay doesn't mean Inuyasha has to be so mean to his partner," said Yuka.

"Inuyasha is such a jerk. I guess it's good he's gay. He would be a rude boyfriend," said Ayumi.

Kagome snickered at her friends but at the hurt look Inuyasha gave her she stopped. She hated his puppy dog eyes. Whenever he gave her that look her heart melted. And right now her heart was a pile of slosh. "Alright guys, fun's over. Inuyasha is in fact right. He is not gay. Miroku was just pulling a mean prank on him. Right Miroku?" Kagome sent Miroku a withering look; she was just daring the monk to make another gay comment.

Miroku laughed nervously and held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright. Jokes over. Neither Inuyasha or me are gay. In fact we love the female body."

"Pervert," muttered Sango.

"Well even if you aren't gay can you please put your shorts back on?" asked Shuya, still refusing to look at Miroku.

Miroku looked down at his speedo. "You mean you guys don't like it?" he teased.

"NO!" shouted everyone at once.

"Fine, fine. I'll put my shorts back on." And much to everyone's relief Miroku did just that. Once his shorts were on he jumped into the pool. He swam underwater to Sakura.

"Eeek!" Sakura shrieked, "someone just touched my butt!"

Sango swam over to the frightened girl, reached down, and dragged up a wet monk by his hair. Miroku smiled innocently at Sakura.

Eri looked on in amazement. Now she knew why Kagome told her to keep her distance. Miroku was a pervert.

Sakura glared at Miroku. "Can you pretend to be gay for the rest of the party?"

THE END

The moral of the story is: Friends don't let friends wear speedos.

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Break out the champagne! The story's over! Or how about soda since I'm pretty sure most of my readers are underage, _sigh_, I am too. Only 2 years to go! Yea! But I realized that this story was very important to read. It taught everyone a very crucial lesson in life. Now I hope everyone will take this moral to heart and listen to my words of wisdom! : ) And I sure hope you enjoyed the wild stunts of Miroku, I think this story pretty much belonged to him. I'll see you all later (esp. if you read my other stories!). Thanks for taking the time to read my weird story.


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